Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
