You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
