Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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