Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just forgot I was standing up.
pray to the hookup gods
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize