Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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