I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
