I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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