No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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