It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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