Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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