Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
