life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
