There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
