You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
