i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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