Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
