I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
