Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
