I wish I could teleport
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
