Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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