After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
