This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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