you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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