There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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