It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
