Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize