Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize