i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
