I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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