I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
