You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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