well I can't set my house on fire every night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
