It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
