Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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