you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
