He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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