I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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