bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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