I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
