M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
