Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize