Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
