well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
