I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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