I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
People in love make me want to vomit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
