You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
