so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
