you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
