all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
