4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
