my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
