He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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