Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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