What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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