Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
