pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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