just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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