you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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