Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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