Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
