Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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