She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
