He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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