Where did you get a picture of my penis
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
