Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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