if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
