Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
