I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
