Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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