I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
