what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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