Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
