just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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