11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
