remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
