I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
