If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
