You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
